slightly dirty, but mostly funny

the internet is for porn.

no, there's no actual porn involved, or even any nakedness.

there's also a WoW version out there, but i'm more familiar w/ Guild Wars, so i like this one better.

prayer request

i've got a good friend headed off to afghanistan today; and while from what i understand it's not quite as hairy as iraq, it's still not as safe as being back in the states. prayers for his safe return (i think he's there for a year) would be much appreciated.

quote of the day

"Marauders were pirates and they weren't nice to women, and things like that." --University of Mary Athletic Director Al Bortke, on the school talks about changing its sports name to something more friendly.

h/t tongue tied

this could be a problem

looks like hamas did fairly well in the recent palestinian elections. normally i would say something like "hey, cool, democracy in palestine." however, even the NYT calls hamas "the militant Islamic party sworn to the destruction of Israel." honestly, i don't think they have a chance in hell of pulling that off. but eventually they will push hard enough, and israel will be forced to respond with force. which, even though they didn't start the problem, will end up pissing off about half the world, and causing even more problems in the area. stay tuned for some interesting times.

true dat (updated)

i'm not sure who first said it, so i'm not going to give anyone credit, but i'm fairly certain this--or something very like it--has been said before. the more you learn, the more you come to realize how much you don't know.

--update--
see here for more.

well that's gotta stop

more proof that the government really wants your money. today at work, we were discussing some orchardists who wanted to sell their land. they can get the most money out of it by ripping out the trees and selling it as residential lots... so that sounds like a great plan, right? only, according to our assistant manager (and she wasn't 100% sure about this, but she's usually pretty on top of stuff), if you want to do that, you have to pay about 7 years worth of back taxes on your property as if it were residential zoning. which to me seems just plain wrong.

polar opposites

right now, things at work are a study in opposites. the manager and assistant manager are both busy as bees working on loan documents, so the orchardists in the area can afford to work for another year. add to that the fact that our manager also manages another branch, and since october has been the only loan officer--and thus the one who has the final word on any loans--between the two of them. contrast that with an average day in the life of the other teller and i, half of which consists of us playing solitaire, and the other half trying to figure out what to do with the random people who are still bringing in checks.

customer: "I'd like to cash this check."
me: "OK."
customer:
me:
customer: "So, were you planning on cashing that any time soon?"
me: "Oh, right."

it's especially hard because we've already done all the busy work there might have been, so half the time we can't even look busy. i'm really looking forward to spring.

w00t, they are fleet (updated)

seahawks just beat carolina 34-14, and are headed to the superbowl. let the good times roll. or something like that.

--update--
so does anybody else find it awesome--or at least completely hilarious--that carolina's star steve smith, who was hyped for the entire game despite accomplishing very little (aside from a very nice punt return), fumbled the football on carolina's last drive?

crush of the week, post #3

name: Christy Carlson Romano
occupation: actress, singer
where i've seen her: Even Stevens (Disney)









also, it appears that i need to do some more regular posting... i think there's only two posts between this and my last one of these.

sources: here, here, and good old google image search

umm... wow...

and i thought intro to business information systems was a joke. welcome to porn 101 (no pictures involved). although i have to say that it doesn't really surprise me to see berkley on the list of colleges offering the class.

h/t say anything; rob, i'm not sure if i want to know how you found this one

quote of the day: "what the hell?" edition

"Today’s refusal on the part of al Qaeda to provide us with any information about the conditions of a potential truce simply reinforces that message: you can’t fight terror by fighting terror in a way that fights terror unfairly." -- Senator Russ Feingold (D-Wisconsin)

so... i wasn't aware that there was an "unfair" way to fight terror. i always thought that things like blowing up or beheading civilians were "unfair," as it were, seeing as how they have nothing to do with the conflict. but apparently the esteemed senator thinks that listening in on a conversation with a terrorist can be defined as "unfair." i wonder what his priorities are?

i wonder why more people haven't tried this?

"When accused of profaining the Eluesinian mysteries, she [Phyrne] was defended by the orator Hypereides, one of her lovers. When it seemed as if the verdict would be unfavorable, he rent her robe and displayed her lovely breasts, which so moved her judges that they acquitted her. According to others, she herself thus displayed her charms." (source)

or, as a.j. jacobs puts it:

"... I wonder if lawyers today could make this work. It could revolutionize the profession. 'Yes, my client poisoned her husband and chopped him into chunks the size of croutons and fed him to her Rottweiler. We admit that. But gentlemen of the jury: have you seen her rack?'"

crush of the week, post #2

less pictures this time. oh well. this week's crush is Reiko Aylesworth, who plays michelle dessler on "24."

have you ever read st. paul's letter to the hermaphrodites?

it says:

Dear Hermaphrodites: Go fuck yourself.

Yours Sincerely,

St. Paul

i couldn't agree more

"George W. Bush won the election. If you don't like it, you better win elections." --Rahm Emanuel, Democratic representative from Illinois, on halting a conservative movement on the Supreme Court

i apologize for the inconvenience

well, i finally started getting spam comments, so it's time to switch on word recognition for the comments. i realize that this will only actually be inconveniencing about 3 or 4 people (including myself), but i figured a warning would be nice.

on a side note, go seahawks! try as they would, they were unable to throw the game to the redskins, and went on to win 20-10.

mission: impossible

your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to read the following two sets of headlines and sub-headers, and decide which one of them came from the new york times.

1) Top Democrat Blasts Alito's 'inconsistencies'
Sen. Leahy starts third day of hearings with warning from his party

or

2) Judge Alito Proves a Powerful Match for Senate Questioners
For the most part, the Supreme Court nominee left his questioners shuffling through papers in search of the next question

well, that kinda sucks

i was cleaning some stuff off my computer a few days ago... mainly stuff from my old system that i decided i didn't really need. it appears that i wasn't paying too much attention though, because i also managed to delete a good portion of my pictures. most of them will be recoverable, but it'll mean putting my old compy back together--just putting the hard drive back in and hooking up a monitor, keyboard and mouse, so no big deal, but a pain in the butt. in celebration of that, here is a more recent picture, taken from the back steps of my house:

if snowmen were french...

all that's missing is some cheese in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other.

crush of the week, post #1

so here we go, the first "crush of the week" (by the way, if anybody can think of a better name, please let me know).

name: kari byron
where i've seen her: mythbusters
what she does: helps bust myths, and some art











most pics courtesy of nuclear beef, the rest from google image search

what if... (updated)

senator robert byrd (d-ranged) were to sit down and play a game of nethack?

note: i got distracted while typing this post up, so it will be finished sometime tomorrow. also, starting tomorrow i'm going to sell out (sort of) and start a series called "crush of the week." it will be somewhat similar to rob's friday babe of the week (including the infrequent updates... they must not have had any fridays in north dakota for quite awhile now), except everything should be safe for work.

ok, here's the full meal deal:

…senator robert byrd (d-ranged) sat down to play a game of nethack? this will make a lot more sense if you’ve played the game. also, a quick disclaimer: this is not meant to piss off anyone, with the exception of robert byrd and maybe some whacko liberals. if you are offended anyways, either a) it was unintentional on my part… no intended harm, so no foul; or b) you’re just too dang sensitive, get over it.

Who are you? White Dragon (“That’s got a catchy sound to it, doesn’t it Hoodie?”)

Shall I pick a character’s race, role, gender and alignment for you? [ynq] (“Hell no!”) n

Pick a role for your character (“Hmm… wizard sounds good.”) w

Pick the race of your Wizard (“Let’s see… human, elf, gnome, or orc. Why not just say ‘human or subhuman’?”) h

Pick the gender of your human Wizard (“What, only the two choices? Howard Dean would hate this game. Oh well, male it is.”) m

Pick the alignment of your male human Wizard (“Neutral, of course. I am an unbiased force for truth and justice!) n

Hello White Dragon, welcome to NetHack! You are a neutral male human Wizard.

(“A pet cat? What the hell is this?”) C. What do you want to call the kitten? (“Hmmm, something appropriate… aha!”) Kat the Klan masKot. (“Hehehe, perfect!”)

i (“Force bolt, knock, not bad spells. But when do I get the one that lets me dump a hooker in the river with no repercussions, like Teddy? Hell, I guess I’m already older than the river is… what’s a few more days of waiting? Besides, I got a scroll of enchant weapon… great way to start.”)

[Narrator: after adventuring through several rooms and killing multiple monsters—including a newt (n), a lichen (F), and a jackal (j)—White Dragon/Senator Byrd quaffs a healing potion (!) and decides to risk drinking from a nearby fountain (⌠).]

You’ve unleashed a water demon! Grateful for its freedom, it grants you a wish! (“Booyah! Score baby!”) What do you wish for? A white hood. Sorry, no such item exists. You receive a leather helm. (“Horse shit! No white hoods? What kind of crazy world is this? Next thing you know one of those darkies will try and walk on the same side of the hallway as me. Oh well, may as well put it on.”)

[Narrator: unfortunately for our non-dungeon-savvy senator, that was a cursed -3 elven leather helm he just put on. He’s actually easier to kill now than he was with less armor. However, he somehow manages to survive for several more levels, wandering down into the gnomish mines.]

You hit the gnome! The gnome misses you! You hit the gnome! The gnome hits you! You hit the gnome! You kill the gnome! (“About freaking time, too. Lets see what the spoils are this time, eh?”) You pick up a scroll called Foobie Bletch. (“What the hell? This better not be another scroll of stinking cloud.”) r You have found a scroll of genocide! What monster to you want to genocide? (“F—k yes! The day has finally arrived!”) N*****s. Sorry, no such monster exists. What monster do you want to genocide? (“Umm…”) Blacks. Sorry, no such monster exists. Wiped out all grid bugs.

[Narrator: At this point, Senator Byrd/White Dragon begins frothing at the mouth, and dies one of the most embarrassing NetHack deaths possible: kicking a wall until he ran out of hitpoints. The only potentially more embarrassing deaths are slipping while trying to mount a horse, choking to death on food, zapping yourself with a wand of death, or getting killed by a grid bug. The moral of the story? Being in the KKK doesn’t pay. And kicking walls is just plain stupid.]

bing crosby, white supremacist

"I'm... dreaming... of a white... Christmas..."

"RACIST!"

crazy times

so, i ran into another interesting guild wars glitch today, and again it ended up getting me stuck. luckily i was working with a group of real people (as opposed to the fake ones) this time, so i got to rejoin the quest at the next cutscene. here are some pics of what happened:







as usual, click the thumbnails for a larger image. for those of you that it means anything to, i managed to get myself stuck in one of the watchtowers in the riverside province mission.

a political quiz, of sorts

can be found here. it's very entertaining, i must say. as expected, i agreed with mostly the conservative answers, with a several from the libertarian side of things thrown in. and, the test beign satirical, i even agreed with a few of the commie answers, believe it or not. anyways, go check it out.

h/t tongue tied