an open letter to the person who broke into my car and stole my zune

warning! foul language content.

dear fucktard,

thank you very much for smashing in my window and stealing my zune. i knew i didn't hate seattle quite as much as i should, but with your help, i've gotten closer.

even if we ignore the part where you chose "criminal" as a career path, you're obviously not the sharpest tool in the shed. i realize that my stereo is completely built into the dashboard, and that my cds were mostly burned copies (since i've always been paranoid about the originals getting stolen), you completely missed/ignored my friend's purse, which had several credit cards and over $100 in cash in it.

that $100 is an interesting number, since that's exactly what my insurance deductible was to replace the window, and the amount you'll be lucky to get for the zune. when i bought that over two years ago, it cost me about $240. looking online for a replacement, i found a brand new model of the same version, along with the car kit (which normally goes for $80 on its own) for $200.

and speaking of car kits... you know that other set of wires you stole? that was the car charger for my cell phone, you fucking moron. maybe my facebook wish will come true, and you'll shock yourself when you try to plug it in. i hope it does a very thorough job of it, and i hope you've got good health insurance to cover your hospital bill.

daniel bareither