national insult week, day last

we've finally reached the end. as i mentioned at the beginning, the last day is a sort of general category, without a specific target. here's a list of people/things that should feel insulted by this post:

*al gore, for being a nut case
*christmas music. it's nice the first time, but after about 2 straight months, it starts to get old.
--people not named bing crosby or nat king cole who try to sing classic christmas music
*liberals, for being complete morons
*too many republicans, for acting like liberals
*the joos; i actually kinda like them, but if they're insulting themselves, why can't i?
*black people who say "the N-word" and then get pissed when white people do the same
*illegal immigrants. once i'm president, you're all headed home.
*businesses that rely heavily on illegal immigrants for labor. if you're that dependent on something that's against the law, it's probably time to find a new line of business.
*people who bash wal-mart. if it were really that bad, they wouldn't have nearly 25,000 people applying for 325 positions at a new chicago-area store
*people who use their right to free speech to bash the military and government. and conveniently ignore the fact that the groups they seem to be so buddy-buddy with (ex: cindy sheehan and caesar chavez) would not allow them to do the same thing.
*pat robertson, also for being a moron. you're giving us normal Christians a bad name buddy.
*ann coulter. she's smart, hot, and very conservative, but i do think her "raghead" comments were going just a bit overboard. you're sinking to the level of our opponents ann... don't do that.
*PETA, again, this time for having things backwards. vegetables aren't food, they're what food eats.
*any group that has either refused to publish or condemned the "mohammed cartoons," bowing to pressure from islam. a fight is brewing, and sooner or later they'll lash out against you anyways (example: britain, who had nothing to do with the cartoons, being threatened by muslims); i say, if they want a fight, bring it on. it may take us most of the day to mop things up, but we'll have their asses kicked in time to enjoy barker's beauties prancing around on the price is right. while eating ham for a late breakfast.
*michael newdow, for being a moron. we're not forcing you to believe in God, so why do you feel the need to force our beliefs out of the public view? if we can ignore your lack of faith, why can't you just ignore the fact that we have faith?
*jimmy carter. he may be a good man (take his work with habitat for humanity, for example), but he needs some work on his "foreign policy." he failed to find a resolution to the iranian hostage crisis, and i still think he needs to be tried under the logan act for his dealings with north korea, which basically ended with us giving them a bunch of free oil.
*people who try to sue fast food chains for making them fat. news flash, dipshits: eating fast food all the time can make you fat. if you don't want to be fat, don't eat fast food all the time.
*people who try to sue gun companies for gun related deaths. again, with the news flash: guns don't kill people, people do; more specifically, dangerous minorities (according to the family guy, at least... an entertaining show, but probably not the best source of information) kill people. guns are simply a tool. if we didn't have those, we'd be using knives, or longbows, or rocks, or our bare hands. if you really want to kill someone, the lack of a gun isn't going to stop you. and in the mean time, restrictive gun control laws--which don't keep guns out of the hands of criminals, who tend to acquire them illegally anyways--are taking away a valuable tool for self defense from the rest of us.
*people who sued the tobacco companies, who are apparently responsible for killing lots of people. people who conveniently ignored the surgeon general's warning on the side of the package that says "this shit is bad for you." you chose to smoke, so it's your own damn fault you've got lung cancer.
--the lawyers who represented the people suing the tobacco companies, and probably saw most of the money from the class action lawsuits. thanks for being more concerned with lining your own pockets than with the rights of phillip-morris, et al., who quite likely had to lay quite a few people off to cover the multi-billion dollar suits. don't quote me on that one... they may have just had a few billion dollars laying around, or covered it by raising the price per pack or something.
*zell miller; what the hell were you thinking when you retired? you and joe lieberman are about the only good examples the democrats have to follow. you can, however, redeem yourself by running for president at some point in the future. maybe in 2008, because i have to say i'm not overly excited by any of the republican prospects at this point.
*bill clinton's parents, for bringing him into the world
*people who talk about "palestine" and "palestinians." there is no palestine, and the "palestinians" are just a bunch of displaced jordanians. if the rest of the arab world really cared about them, they'd take them in. as is, they're just a convenient excuse for the arabs to hate israel.
*the city of san francisco, for voting to violate the second amendment, among other things.
*the french, for building new orleans where it is, and the federal government and the state of louisiana for deciding to rebuild it. why? you're just going to have to fix it up again after the next big hurricane. and in the meantime, you're using my tax dollars to rebuild for somebody who chose to live in a potentially dangerous area. if you don't want to have to rebuild after a hurricane, LIVE SOMEWHERE ELSE! this also applies to everybody else living in hurricane-prone areas, especially florida. the rest of us should not have to pay for your dumb choices.
*the french again, for losing their balls after they lost napoleon.
*the french yet again, for being cheese-eating surrender monkeys
*people who are in favor of abortion. the ONLY time it should be acceptable is if it comes down to a choice between the life of the mother or the life of the baby. "but what about things like rape or incest?" some of you will say. well sure, lets just kill a baby. that will make everything better. why didn't we think of that before? we never had to invade iraq... we could have just killed a few dozen babies and saddam would have given up his WMD and stopped torturing and killing his own people. shit happens. that doesn't make rape and incest ok... far from it. i think that anybody who commits rape or incest should be castrated (or its equivelant, for those rare cases of women raping men) and then thrown into one those famous pound-me-in-the-ass prisons to see how they like it.
*femi-nazis, also morons. though in their defense, they tend to have more balls than the french.
*the MSM, for claiming to be objective while advancing left-leaning ideals and propaganda. unless you think you can actually be completely objective--which i don't think anyone is capable of--you need to state your bias up front, so people know where you're coming from. for example, if you haven't already guessed, i am very conservative, so pretty much everything i write will have a conservative bias to it. now that you know that, you'll be better able to analyze (not that much of what i write needs much analysis) what's being said. go read a lefty version of the same events i write about, find a happy medium between them, and you'll probably be fairly close to what actually happened.
*and last, but not least, all those "undecided" voters out there. face it, you're sitting on the fence, hoping to jump on the winning side at the last minute. that's not nuanced, that's opportunistic. or lazy. either pick something to stand for and stick with it, or stay home and don't vote.